Overrated: Sheryl Crow

I'm not gonna dance around the main point of this post: Sheryl Crow bothers me, a lot. Okay, she's not as popular as she once was, back in the mid- to late-90's. She seems to be a nice person, I guess. I've seen her name attached to several benefit concerts for various environmental causes, and that's great for her. If I met Sheryl Crow tomorrow on the street, I'd probably smile and say hello.

It's just... her music. In my opinion, Sheryl Crow's musical output stands as the most pitiful collection of songs that has never been properly lambasted or even questioned. How did this woman become universally respected as a singer-songwriter?? There you see her, performing alongside musical legends on Grammy ceremonies, strumming that silly acoustic guitar, thinking to herself, "Goddamn, I've fooled all of them. I can't believe it, but I've fooled all of them!"

It's not outrageous to me that Sheryl Crow received lots of popularity and a bunch of Grammys, because there are dozens of equally mediocre artists maintaining stardom even longer than she has, and the Grammys are completely meaningless. What puzzles me -- shocks me -- is that no one has called a spade a spade, and called out Sheryl Crow for making the same shitty song 18 times. Somehow, Sheryl Crow has used the Lilith Fair/feminist/let's-be-HAPPY! image for over a decade, and now she's regarded as sort of a veteran rock artist no one, except maybe ex-boyfriend Lance Armstrong, has something against. Why hasn't Sheryl Crow been exposed?

Her mid-'90s output, which garnered hit songs such as "All I Wanna Do" and "If It Makes You Happy", basically relied on by-the-numbers pop structures with enough of an edge to concern mothers of young children but not enough to limit its radio play. These are amiable, shoulder-shrug-worthy singles that should have signaled a short career followed by a descent into oblivion. But no. In 1998 Crow released "The Globe Sessions", easily her strongest collection of songs, the best of which is monster single "My Favorite Mistake". It basically sounds like all of her other stuff, except it's better; from the opening guitar lick to the last sorta-strained vocals, "My Favorite Mistake" is a very good chick-rock track that's held up well over time. The rest of "The Globe Sessions" lacks the spark of "Mistake," but it's still an accomplished set of lite-rock songs that make Crow seem likeable.

So maybe my problem isn't with Sheryl Crow's entire career; maybe I should be directing my anger toward her last two albums, 2002's "C'mon C'mon" and 2005's "Wildflower", both of which are unforgivably bad. "C'mon C'mon" is unlistenable to someone with 3 or more brain cells, with songs like "Soak Up The Sun" and "Diamond Road" built around a general feeling of grating happiness. Jesus, I remember when "Soak Up the Sun" was on the radio, and I couldn't turn my dial without hearing mind-blowingly lazy lines like "It's not having what you want/ It's wanting what you got!!"or "I'm gonna soak up the sun/Gonna tell everyone/ To lighten up!!" This album was clearly made to herald a new, sunnier Sheryl Crow, one that had covered up all of her darkness/mystery and had decided to write nice, fun songs. "C'mon C'mon" is a bullshit record, but no one slammed it properly: Entertainment Weekly called Crow a "supreme craftsperson", and Rolling Stone called "Soak Up The Sun" "delightful". 2005's "Wildflower" was simply more of the same, with songs called "Good Is Good" and choruses that go, "You'll be sending a letter to God/ How will it be when you're gone?/ And what if everyone is wrong?" Fuck.

You'd think that it would bother me more that groups like The Black Eyed Peas and Panic! at the Disco are unbelievably popular now when they're clearly just a bunch of jackasses. It doesn't. Sheryl Crow bothers me more because I know that I'm gonna see her in more Grammy ceremonies, in more American Express commercials, and eventually when she gets inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame. I just wish someone other than me would notice that, as a singer/songwriter, she sort of blows. That's all