The Great Debate: Is Spoon The Best Band In The World?

I look at a list of my favorite bands, which include, but are not limited to, The Wrens, Deerhoof, The Mountain Goats, and Radiohead. Today I realized that Spoon is better than all of them. Spoon has displayed the consistency of Radiohead, the songwriting of The Wrens, the personality of The Mountain Goats, and if they're not quite as technically dazzling as Deerhoof, they're pretty damn close. Why did I realize this all today? Because today I listened to "The Ghost Of You Lingers", the first single from their forthcoming album, "Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga", for the sixth time. And it blew me away.
I am sorry to say that I have not heard much of "A Series of Sneaks" or any of "Telephono", so I can't pretend to be a complete expert on Spoon. However, I usually abide by what I like to call the "Lil' Wayne Rule" -- that is, an artist's early work should not be a total reflection on their present output. Why is it called the "Lil' Wayne Rule"? Because Lil' Wayne sucked in the late '90s, and now he's an all star rapper. But I'll elaborate on that another time.
"Girls Can Tell" is a great little album; I only call it "little" because it seems to exist on such a small scale when compared to 2002's "Kill The Moonlight". THAT album is, and will probably always be, Spoon's essential work, a nearly perfect album that expands on every idea put forth in "Girls Can Tell". My friend Scott has said that the first six songs on that album are absolutely perfect, and I agree with him. From the instantly memorable synth riff of "Small Stakes" to the soaring emotion of "Paper Tiger," the first half of "Kill The Moonlight" simply cannot be fucked with.
In my opinion, 2005's "Gimme Fiction" was the most underrated album of that year, even more so than Broken Social Scene's self-titled album. "Gimme Fiction" is almost as good as "Kill The Moonlight," and in some ways better. The album certainly congeals better than "Kill The Moonlight", touching on the ideas of imagination vs. reality, the surreal vs. the plain. Also, the band just seems to be having a hell of a time on the album.
I haven't heard anything of "Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga" except "The Ghost Of You Lingers", and even though it took me six times to get into, it now reigns as one of my favorite Spoon songs. The sheer simplicity of the piano, the ghostly nature of Britt Daniel's voice, the way the line "It felt good to me" cuts through the sea of static that the band has created... so utterly beautiful. Can't wait to hear the rest of the album; if it's anything near "Ghost", my expectations are huge.
So yeah, you know your favorite band? Spoon is better. It'll take "Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga" to be the worst album of the year to convince me otherwise.

TV Me: The Last Half-Hour of "The Hills Have Eyes"

Dude's way scary...

Warning: this post spoils the ending of "The Hill Have Eyes". If you are lame, read no further!

Last night I caught the last half-hour of "The Hills Have Eyes" on HBO, and the experience was a profound one. Before last night, I knew basically three things about "The Hills Have Eyes", and they are as follows:

1. People are trapped in what looks like the Grand Canyon
2. Mutants are attacking them
3. The hills have motherfucking eyes, man

I don't really know anything about the original "Eyes" (this one is apparently a remake) or the sequel that came out last March, and I'm okay with that. The 30 minutes I caught last night, which I presume made up the climax of the film, were so whacked-out and weird that I feel like I don't need any supplement to them, and that includes the entire beginning of the movie. I was able to piece together a few things: a lot of people have already died at the hands of mutants who sort of look like humans, except all of them have silly disabilities, like a droopy eye or the lack of a neck. They seem to enjoy killing humans, but I assume that they once were humans themselves? And they also seem to be real assholes -- just kind of always laughing sinisterly, or throwing axes at things -- which makes me wonder what this particular group of trapped humans did to them, if anything at all (look, don't actually answer these questions for me, because I don't care, and it's much more fun to guess).

Anyway, when I turned it on, the first thing I saw was a dude wearing glasses breathing really heavily. He seemed to be in a pristine suburban house, his face caked with blood, and he was trying to escape from a mutant who was really, really big, and whose height kept making me wonder why he wasn't spending his time more effectively by joining a mutant basketball team. The mutant was swinging an axe around, and Glasses Guy was running, but he kept falling down, or the mutant kept finding him! Under tables, behind doors... mutant guy just knew where to look! The mutant was about to kill Glasses Guy, but Glasses Guy suddenly drove a spike through mutant's foot, which hurt, and then proceeded to drive the axe into mutant's head, which was crowd-pleasing. Glasses Guy ran out of the house -- to search for a baby. A human baby.

Meanwhile, a teenage boy and a slightly older-looking girl were hanging out near a trailer full of dead bodies. This surprised me, but I soon found out that the dead bodies were their family. They walked away from the trailer for a second, and when they returned, their mom's body was gone! Older-looking girl started crying, while Teenage Boy went out to look for it (?), and told the girl to stay at the trailer (??) He was holding a handgun, which I found odd.

Right around here, there was a rare mutants-only conversation. A young mutant girl with sympathetic eye (the other one was kinda droopin') was taking care of the human baby, but an angry, redneck-looking mutant came into her room with an axe, ready to do some baby-choppin. He told her to get out of the room, and she did -- but not before making the old switcheroo between the baby and a pig (the baby had been under a blanket, for some reason). Needless to say, the redneck mutant was shocked, ugly, and upset, and went to find the little mutant girl with the heart of gold.

Cut to Glasses Guy, who was still looking for human baby, and couldn't find her. I remember him carrying a shotgun around a house that was empty except for a random mutant girl.

Teenage Boy -- oh, how naive you are! He went out to find his mom's body, and he DID find his mom's body -- being eaten by a mutant with a scraggly mutant beard! He got scared, ran away, bearded mutant chased him, Teenage Boy fired a few shots with his gun, and that did nothing. Teenage Boy ran back into the trailer with Slightly Older-Looking Girl, who at one point screamed really, really loudly. Bearded Mutant kept knocking on the trailer, but nobody answered! The boy and girl left the trailer through a window, and the trailer exploded, killing (...re-killing?) Bearded Mutant. Everything was okay.

Finally, FINALLY, Glasses Guy found the human baby, who was given to him by Sympathetic Mutant Girl. Unfortunately, Redneck Mutant had caught up with them, and attacked Glasses Guy. Glasses Guy and Redneck Mutant fought for a little while, before Glasses Guys kicked the shit out of him. GG turned his back... and Redneck Mutant got back up! And was aiming his shotgun at Glasses Guy! Sympathetic Mutant Girl ended up sacrificing herself to save him, making Redneck Mutant miss and fall off a cliff. The eyes of the hill... were officially blinded.

Glasses Guy and Human Baby met up with Teenage Boy and Slightly Older-Looking Girl, who were like, all hugging them. Before the credits rolled, a pair of binoculars were shown watching the reunion, which I guess set up the sequel.

A few thoughts about these 30 minutes:

1. Nothing was exciting or scary, there was just a lot of blood and screaming.
2. I was really, really glad when the humans ended up beating the mutants, but it made me wonder how there was ever a sequel to this. You lost, mutants! Don't you understand??
3. Almost every scene could have been better if "The Hills Have Eyes" had a killer soundtrack. I kept watching the carnage and thinking how cool it would be if, like, Dave Matthews' "Grave Digger" or Maroon 5's "Harder to Breathe" was playing.
4. Seriously, this movie sucks, but I feel like it would have been ten times worse if I had actually known what was specifically happening. Maybe all bad movies should be like that; just skip to the last half-hour, and appreciate the lack of a plot.
5. I wish the sequel had been called "The Hill Have Eyes 2: Now They Have Contact Lenses!"

Good Songs People Forget About: Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, "Tha Crossroads"

"He comin again and again and again/ Now tell me what ya gonna do/ Can somebody anybody tell me why he died,we die,I don't wanna die........"

I've decided to start off the "Good Songs People Forget About" category of this blog with "Tha Crossroads" for two reasons. First, I have recently started listening to this song again, over and over, nonstop, and I have mentioned this in passing to many people. Usually the conversation goes something like this: "Hey, remember that Bone Thugs song 'Tha Crossroads'? Yeah, that song's amazing."

Blank stare.

"No, come on, you remember, 'Crossroads', with that crazy video with the ghosts? In, like, '97?"

"...What's a bone thug?"

Seriously, NO ONE I have talked to about this song remembers it, and that would perfectly okay if I didn't recall how that song was freaking EVERYWHERE when it came out. Like, it spent 8 weeks at #1 on the Billboard singles chart. The single sold two million copies. It won a goddamn Grammy! Surely someone must remember this song, and because it seems as if no one does, I'm here to refresh.

The second reason I'm gonna talk about "Tha Crossroads" is because it is a fantastic song, and holds up as one of the best rap singles of the '90s. Bone Thugs N Harmony can never be placed in the same breath with Biggie, Wu-Tang, or Nas when it comes to artistry, and I think that's why this song has been neglected over the course of history. Most of their songs feature lyrics that are either too forgettable or too hard to decipher, since everyone in the group raps so damn fast. They've released a handful of albums in the past half-decade that no one has paid any attention to, and they lack the mainstream charisma of an ass-bag like Diddy. Bone Thugs are, let's face it, no longer relevant, and probably won't receive another 15 minutes.

Still, we have "Tha Crossroads". The song itself is a tribute song to those who have passed (it is specifically directed at Eazy-E and a few other guys). To bring Diddy back into the equation, compare this with "I'll Be Missing You", a like-minded tribute song, and you'll notice a huge difference: unlike Sean Combs' praying-for-profit approach, "Tha Crossroads" is a completely selfless track, the rarest of hip-hop songs. It is a song about death and change, and the way we use religion to heal ourselves while grieving. These are both familiar themes in music and huge issues for a posse-cut single to tackle in less than four minutes, but Bone Thugs don't get bogged down with heavy diatribes or vague messages. It touches on general ideas, but also remains very personal, making the listener understand what these guys have gone through and reflect on past experiences as well. Take this line, which comes about halfway through: "And still keepin up wit they family/Exactly how many days we got lastin, while you laughin we passin', passin' away/God rest our souls, cause I know I might meet you up at the crossroads". It's so simple to relate to nearly everything in these lines: Trying to support a grieving family; wondering when our time will come; hoping that, somehow, we'll be able to see the faces of those who have already left us. "Tha Crossroads" never feels hollow or, worse yet, sarcastic; Bone Thugs do not want to hide the fact that, when it comes to death, they are angry, confused, and terrified, and it all feels authentic.

The lyrics are great, sure, but the way "Crossroads" is gonna knock your socks off is with its structure/sound. The song blends hip-hop and r&b the most successfully I may have ever heard. Each verse more sing-song than sharp spitting, and while this typically detracts from the rapping, here the members of Bone Thugs ride a vocal melody that complements their crazy-quick flows perfectly. The entire song sort of ebbs and flows, with short stabs of harmony breaking apart each rhyme, and the effect is so stunning that I can't understand why it hasn't been duplicated yet. The song's structure is pretty basic on paper: intro, verse, half-chorus, verse, chorus, verse, chorus. If you listen to the lyrics during the sing-along choruses, however, you'll see that they create a perfect balance with the verses. Each verse expresses a certain frustration with the inevitability of death, and the chorus begins with a simple harmony and the phrase, "Hey, and we pray/ Every day, every day, every day". This is done to illustrate a complicated relationship with religion: even when they feel bitter at the world, they persist with prayer, partly to receive comfort and partly to be able to see those they miss in the next life. The first full chorus explodes with "...see you at the CROSSROADS, so you won't be LONELY", and the song becomes an anthem before leading into the inescapable lament, "And I'm gonna miss everybody". There are so many mixed emotions here about death, because there have to be; we all feel them. It's just that Bone Thugs n Harmony has boiled them down into five-word phrases that are surprisingly powerful.

Look. I'm not calling for a Bone Thugs n Harmony takeover of rap, or even that they have another hit song (it would probably be about bitches or weed, and I'd get depressed). I'm just saying that "Tha Crossroads" has an unbelievable amount of ambition for a rap song, or for any kind of song for that matter, and it has the harmonies to back it up. Jesus, the execution of this song is pretty flawless. So come on, listen to "Tha Crossroads", for your first time or your fiftieth. Even if you hate it, you'll get to hear the line, "Damn man, I miss my Uncle Charles y'all", and that's something we can all agree on.

The Great Debate: Better Soundtrack: "Batman and Robin" vs. "Austin Powers 2"

Goddamn. I know I want to start this blog off with some fireworks, but this debate is simply too hard. However, I'll try to chip away at an age-old mystery.

Undoubtedly, both of these soundtracks provide music for the shittiest examples of sequels. "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" is mind-blowingly derivative and focuses on the most tiresome aspects of humor -- fat bastards, sexually suggestive names, lots and lots of dick jokes -- with gags that we had already seen executed better (sort of) in "AP 1". "Batman and Robin", meanwhile, suffers from the inexcusably bad direction of Joel Schumacher, who likes to throw confetti at things that need subtlety. Both films feature blonde chicks in silly disguises, boneheaded lead performances, and star-studded soundtracks; unfortunately, I barely remember any of these songs in the actual films, save for Dr. Evil's "Just The Two Of Us" part. I remember thinking that the song was really funny when I first saw it, and now I just can't forgive myself for it.

The "Spy Who Shagged Me" soundtrack's got it at track 6, sandwiched between a cover of "Word Up" by Melanie "Scary Spice" G and a genre-smashin' instrumental by Green Day. Let's just say the disc's middle third ain't its best. Worse yet is Lenny Kravitz's bitch-esque cover of the Guess Who's "American Woman", which strips the original of its ballsy attitude and replaces it with safe dad-rock. Seriously, who enjoys this guy? Who looks at Lenny Kravitz and says, "Yeah, that guy's the MAN"? Obviously quite a few, cuz homeboy's paid.

What elevates "AP 2"'s soundtrack are a pair of old reliables. "Beautiful Stranger" by Madonna came right around the time she was making her William Orbit-assisted, techno-sweet comeback with the "Ray Of Light" album, and this single simply continues her, um, mojo. Stupid video featuring Mike Myers aside, this single is exactly the sort of effortless pop that Madonna should be making, and finally got back to last year with "Hung Up". An elliptical guitar riff surrounds Madonna until she absolutely kills it on the chorus, which is just, for lack of a better word, fun. Meanwhile, The Flaming Lips have a track from "The Soft Bulletin" buried at number 9, obviously because the person who decided the sequencing of this soundtrack believed that Wayne and co. could never match the legendary Scary Spice. Whatever. I know that "Buggin'" has nothing to do with "Austin Powers", and that there are other classic songs on this soundtrack, like "My Generation" by The Who. But damned if I'm not gonna give props to "The Spy Who Shagged Me" soundtrack for having an absolutely killer song off an absolutely killer album. I feel like, if I owned this soundtrack, I would regret paying for it for eight tracks, and when the ninth track rolled around, I would be all smiles.

Speaking of smiles, imagine my reaction when I saw that the first two tracks of the "Batman and Robin" soundtrack were from, respectively, Smashing Pumpkins and Bone Thugs N Harmony! Granted, the two bands basically sound the exact same; some would even say that Billy Corgan steals a lot of vocal techniques from Bizzy Bone. But I'll give them both a break, and say that both the Pumpkins' "The End Is the Beginning Of the End" and Bone Thugs' "Look Into My Eyes" are acceptable, if a little predictable, soundtrack offerings. Then, all of a sudden, at track 3, who but Robert "I Believe I Can Fly" Kelly, with another inspirational soundtrack opus titled "Gotham City". The song is priceless simply for being ABOUT Gotham City, a fictional place which R. classifies as "a city of love", even though it's, um, not. Haven't you even seen the movie, Kels? Don't you know Gotham City's the darkest, shittiest place you could ever live, a place where there's so much crime that a dude needs to dress up like a bat just to stop some of it? "Gotham City" is a hilarious ballad, one that R. Kelly will one day look back on and say, "...Damn, what was I on when I wrote that shit?"

The rest of the "Batman and Robin" soundtrack is pretty standard fare -- a generic Goo Goo Dolls song, a funky-ass Eric Benet cut, and Jewel's "Foolish Games", for some reason. There's a song called "Poison Ivy" by Me'shell Ndegeocello, which is about the character Poison Ivy and how dangerous she is... which is cool, I guess.

So who's it gonna be, you ask? Which soundtrack is worth saving from that big bin of retail discs at the record store and taking home for three bucks? It's all a question of consistency. "Batman and Robin" has a bunch of songs you'll shrug your shoulders at, but nothing overly terrible; it's basically comprised of listenable but forgettable pop-rock and r&b. "Austin Powers 2", on the other hand, is a lot rockier; for every gem, there's about two tasteless train wrecks, and one has Lenny Kravitz attached to it. You have to take into account that soundtracks are generally more focused on scoring with a few big hits than a smooth trip; that is to say, you shouldn't expect a well-structured, involving soundtrack unless your movie is called "Purple Rain". It's easy to see where I'm leaning: "Austin Powers" has a song from "The Soft Bulletin", a great Madonna song, "My Generation", and, yes, Scary Spice. You know that that's pretty much unbeatable. Nice try, "Batman and Robin", but aside from the glorious travesty of "Gotham City", you just aren't that interesting.

By the way, R.E.M. has a song featured on both soundtracks. Odd coincidence? Or proof that Michael Stipe needs to stop saying "sure"?

Hey! Welcome! Yeah!

There's not a lot for me to say to get the ball rolling. I'm a college student who listens to a lot of music and watches a lot of dumb movies and a few good ones. I'm an English major; I write a lot. Anywho... I'm going to try to divide my posts into distinct categories by subject. A few examples of these categories include, but are not limited to: "This Week In Wu-Tang", "Good Songs People Forget About", "Underrated/Overrated", "It Is TV. It's HBO", and "Things I Like and Dislike About Ron Howard and His Family". Feel free to comment.
The title of this blog is "From Tha Chuuuch To Da Palace, Hopefully". I feel as if I should explain. It steals the title of an unsuccessful Snoop Dogg album, one that is not very good at all. Personally, I always wondered what the hell it meant. Is Snoop Dogg making heads nod everywhere from the church to the palace (maybe one in the Middle East)? Has he ascended from a poor church boy to the king of g-funk rap? Is he making some sort of subtle comment on the separation of church and state (or separation of chuuuch and White Houuuse)? Does he just like churches and palaces on roughly the same level? Whatever the meaning of the title, it is clearly something really cool, judging by the consistency of cool things found in Snoop Dogg album titles ("Tha Blue Carpet Treatment", "Rhythm & Gangsta: The Masterpiece", and "Doggystyle" -- what's cooler than blue carpets, masterpieces, and doggystyle? nothing.). Therefore, I want this blog to strive for the awesomeness that this weird phrase clearly represents. One day, I shall go from tha chuuuch to da palace... hopefully.