What Went Wrong: Madonna's "Comeback" Single

...gross.

Let's get right down to it. Three reasons why "4 Minutes", Madonna's lead single off of her new album Hard Candy, sucks:

1. It costars Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. I love Timbo and JT as much as the next guy, but there's something to be said for oversaturation. For all Timbaland accomplished as a producer in 2006, mega-hits with Timberlake, Nelly Furtado, and Young Jeezy ("3 A.M.", still a great banger) caused the man's head to swell and him to throw out his time-worn asset of subtlety. From Missy Elliott's "Get Ur Freak On" to Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" and Jay-Z's "Dirt Off Your Shoulder", Timbaland's beats have always sounded more stunning when they let the artist have his or her way with them. Ever since "Futuresex/Lovesounds", though, Timbaland's gotten thirsty to be numero uno, a position he doesn't have the voice or the persona for. "4 Minutes" is the sound of grave overcompensation: it's a Timbaland production that fires on too many cylinders, built around a boring horn riff and a chorus that's just musically ugly. As for Justin, well, he phones in the minor call-and-response action that he's assigned. "4 Minutes" is Timbaland's baby, really, and as good a team he and Justin have made, their collaborations have been a bit tired ever since "Shock Value". Timbaland, your victory lap is officially over; time to explore other options, potna.

2. Madonna isn't given anything to do. A Madonna single doesn't need Mrs. Guy Ritchie to slug notes out of the park as if she's Mary J. Blige. Hell, she barely has to say anything interesting or heighten her vocal range, as seen by "Ray Of Light" and "Music". But she's gotta do SOMETHING. "4 Minutes" sounds like Madge has been neutered. She's allotted about 1/4th of the song, and the lines she does have are handled without any form of pizzazz. Listen to the line "The road to heaven/ is filled with good intentions" at 2:39 into the song; has Madonna ever sung anything with less passion? Part of this is the fact that she's been overshadowed by Timbaland's frustrating beat and Justin's clunky singing, but come on, this is Madonna. Even if she doesn't have a great voice, she's got enough showmanship to drive a great hook. For a comeback single, Madonna sure sits around on the sidelines a lot here. But oh yeah, that's right...

3. Madonna didn't need a fucking comeback single. People are treating the decidedly Americanized "Hard Candy" as Madonna's return to form, working with hip-hop producers like Pharrell Williams and Kanye West after dabbling with Euro-dance music for the better part of a decade. The problem with this is that the past decade, starting with the William Orbit-produced "Ray Of Light" album, has been pretty goddamn successful for Madonna. Sure, there have been missteps like "American Life" and smooching the Spears, but most of what Madonna's tried has worked, from "Ray Of Light"'s rave music to "Music"'s music music to "Confessions on a Dance Floor"'s dirty dance tracks, which birthed one of her best singles ever, "Hung Up". In fact, "Confessions" and its subsequent tour have arguably been the most well-received, positive-press outings Madonna's put together in the '00s. Why change course now? To become a firmly-American pop star again, backed by radio-approved beatmakers? Granted, I haven't heard the rest of "Hard Candy", but it sounds like a backwards creative step for someone who so far has been aging suprisingly gracefully. And as far as American audiences, it has yet to resonate: it sold 280,000 copies its first week, down from "Confession"'s 463,000. After a triumph like "Hung Up", why digress with a song as calculated as "4 Minutes"? It kinda blows that, judging from this song and "Hard Candy"'s obscenely unnecessarily cover art, Madonna's choosing to be hip instead of really, really good.

My Week With Mono/What Went Wrong: "Art School Confidential"

" Malkovich. Malkovich Malkovich."

So there were only a few movies on our On Demand feature that I showed a slight interest in during the time I was sick, which just shows how finicky I am, because I have 5 On Demands that each holds about 100 movies. I watched "For Your Consideration" again (INSANELY underrated, needs a second viewing) and the beginning of the new "Dawn of the Dead", which I regard as the best opening to any horror film ever. At one point, I was trying to decide between "Babe" and "Final Destination" when I stumbled upon the title "Art School Confidential". Even though I usually prefer to watch old chestnuts when I'm sick, and even though "Confidential" got some seriously shitty reviews when released, I immediately selected and watched it.

Let's make one thing clear: "Ghost World" is probably one of the smartest movies made in the past decade, and it could easily be argued to be a modern classic. For a story as idiosyncratic as Enid's journey, director Terry Zwigoff and writer Daniel Clowes seem to navigate through each and every one of the trappings of the "quirky indie movie", almost impossibly. The characters are broad but never ridiculous caricatures, a la Tim Burton; Enid's awkwardness is thoroughly explored but never exploited as if she was a Todd Solondz character; and as much as I love Wes Anderson, his dialogue is always a bit too romanticized, to a point where a character's speech has no place in reality (see Klaus in "Life Aquatic"). "Ghost World", on the other hand, is very, very real. It feels vital, maybe because the direction is so crisp and the "dum! dum! dum!" score so urgent, or maybe just because I can personally relate to Enid's attitude of post-high school cynicism toward everything and everyone. No, "Ghost World" is so good because, more than any other movie in recent memory, you completely lose yourself in Enid's point of view; you see the world exactly as she does. God, Enid's dad's girlfriend Maxine does nothing particularly offensive throughout the film, but because Enid just fucking hates her, you find yourself wincing whenever she's on screen! I could mention the graphic novel, or Zwigoff and Clowe's past collaboration "Crumb", but I know very little about either, so I will say this: "Ghost World" rulez 4ever.

Well, "Art School Confidential" is Zwigoff and Clowe's follow-up, and although I wasn't expecting "Ghost World 2", I thought there was definite possibility for this to be an overlooked gem. It's not as bad as critics would want you to believe; there's a handful of funny situations, and you can see that the narrative had some real sparkle before something went wrong and we received the final product. I wouldn't even call it 'misguided', because it accomplishes its task of deconstructing the pretentious world of the art school campus and makes a point, through the awkward journey of main character Jerome (Max Minghella), of showing that the world of art can and will break down any sense of idealism an aspiring young lad may have. Yeah, but so what? This is all unmarked fodder, but it's neither pleasant nor interesting, at least in the way Zwigoff has constructed this film. You just don't care about anything on screen, and even if you think this is a smart film, it's not exactly fun to watch.

Take the two father figures of the story. Jerome's a teenager who wants to be the best artist in the world, and upon first entering art school, he seeks guidance on how to accomplish this. One of his buddies tells him about Jimmy, a middle-aged former artist who has been broken down by the system and now takes drinks between telling various people to fuck off. Jerome also tries to enlist the help of Professor Sandiford, who clearly hides his contempt for being passed over in the art world and relegated to the realms of teaching under a thin coat of insincere cheer. Jimmy tells Jerome to fuck off; Sandiford tells him to keep trying to find himself, which leads to a sort of obtuse frustration for the young lad. Jim Broadbent and John Malkovich play these roles well enough, and the audience understands that Jerome is terrified of being doomed to either one of their fates. The problem is that Jimmy is so balls-out awful that he's hard to watch, and Sandiford is too bland to feel sympathy for. Jerome just sort of drifts through his conversations with them without any reaction, and the audience does the same for the most part.

It's difficult to not compare Jerome to Enid, because they are Zwigoff's unconstituted protagonists and polar opposites. The whole point of "Ghost World" was to depict the way post-high school uncertainty can end up crippling many teenagers, even (perhaps especially) the most self-assured of us, but it never once spells this out. "Confidential" wants to poke fun at art schools, and it offers us Jerome, who's wide-eyed enough to believe that he can change the world through art, or at least get tons of ass because of it. But that's about it to him. I don't really remember anything else distinguishing about him, besides his defined eyebrows, and even those aren't too defined. He's in some pretty amusing situations, and interacts with some pretty amusing characters (Ethan Suplee's hack director is an inspired character), but nothing seems to make an impact on him, or us. Maybe "Art Sch0ol Confidential" is realistic, but unlike "Ghost World", it never congeals as anything too engrossing. It's a one-sided analysis of a concept that could have been fleshed out into something really mesmerizing. In short, it's a disappointment.

"Art School Confidential" takes a late-inning twist that doesn't really do much to salvage the narrative, but it's worth noting because it's completely insane; not exactly ridiculous, but it requires one of those "WHOA, what the hell just happened?" moments. I won't give anything away, but it involves a serial killer plotline that's totally out of place, and ends the note on a valuable statement that's jammed down our throats. That's sort of the movie though. Definitely worth watching because of what Zwigoff and Clowes have to offer, but it might be better viewed before seeing "Ghost World", just so hopes aren't too dashed.

What Went Wrong: Architecture in Helsinki's "Places Like This", Most Disappointing Album of 2007

Yep, we fucked up

Maybe it's a little cynical to begin my year-end hoopla with the declaration of the most disappointing album of this year. After all, as derisive as I sometimes am, I would always prefer to praise the hell out of something instead of drive it into the ground. But the way I figure it, let's get the glum stuff out of the way now, so there's just the best of the best left. I think the Most Disappointing Album of the Year award is a fascinating one that not enough publications select; sure, they select the WORST album of the year, but what fun is it dissecting Keven Federline's "Playing With Fire"? I'd much rather take a look at an album that should have been good, from an artist that's either clearly great or right on the cusp of greatness. People take missteps all the damn time, why shouldn't the most talented of us? 2007 saw a high amount of disappointing releases, but none can hold a candle to Architecture in Helsinki's "Places Like This", one of the most misguided albums in recent memory.

Oh sure, bigger artists messed up this year. Wilco's "Sky Blue Sky" may take the silver just for being really boring, while "Volta", "A Weekend In the City", "The Stage Names" (damn, that one hurt), and "Voxtrot" all deserve honorable mention. And all of those albums are deeply flawed, but none of them are uniquely bad. "Places Like This" is bad. It's really, really bad. I love Architecture in Helsinki, and had a great time at one of their shows this summer. And I can't even listen to "Places Like This".

So let's figure out why. Architecture made a huge sonic leap between their first and second albums, ditching the beautiful found-sound minimalism of "Fingers Crossed" for the righteously goofy pop of "In Case We Die". I'm not ashamed to admit that "In Case We Die" was instrumental in introducing me to indie music, and remains one of my most beloved albums. "Fingers Crossed" really is an overlooked accomplishment, but listening to "In Case We Die" again, it STILL sounds like the perfect blend of meticulousness and downright fun. Songs like "It'5!" and "Wishbone" were gleeful twee, sure, and I can understand someone getting easily annoyed at its "Hey kids, let's eat some Cocoa Puffs and have a GOOD TIME!" vibe, but there was just a ton of heart in each track. The glimpses at the emotional center the band established with "Fingers Crossed" were fewer and farther between, but when they broke to the forefront, the album's sickening joy was given a point. From the third part of "In Case We Die pt. 1-4", the end of "Wishbone", and, fuck, the entirety of "Maybe You Can Owe Me", "In Case We Die" injected the smiles with a sense of profundity. Yeah, this was "Fingers Crossed" on meth, but it wasn't hard to recognize that these were still the same guys, just a lot more up-tempo.

"Places Like This" sounds like Architecture in Helsinki finally deciding that, although they weren't annoying on "In Case We Die" despite getting sorta-close to that point a few times, they were an annoying band at heart, and they should make the most downright annoying album of the year. It's a laughable concept, I know, but if you hear this album, you'll know what I mean. Everything from "In Case We Die" is back, but is multiplied by ten; shit just sounds bigger on "Places Like This", and pretty soon everything gets cluttered. And when I say everything, I mean every whizz-bang sound that Architecture is constructing: loopy synths run into space-rock guitar riffs run into cowbells run into swirling vocal chants. It's just a mess, and sharply contrasts with the surprisingly ordered instrumentation of "In Case We Die". What's really staggering is that, even when a billion things are going on at once, some of the songs are just insanely dull. "Feather In a Baseball Cap" is the best example of this: tons of synths and horns and other gizmos they're surely using combine for a massive line that becomes unbearably droning after twelve seconds. It's almost unthinkable to say that there's not enough going on in these songs, but using 38 instruments doesn't necessarily bulk up substance.

But no, by far the most crushingly irritating aspect of "Places Like This" are the vocals. I remember, not too long ago, Architecture were making songs like "Imaginary Ordinary", with singing that you could describe as "discreet" or "hushed". They greatly expanded the use of vocals on "In Case We Die" to coincide with the pop tendecies of that album, and while they became a bit more flamboyant, there was still time for some tenderness in "Tiny Paintings" and "Wishbone", among others. To put it bluntly, "In Case We Die" contained vocals that were unorthodox and at times off-color, but they were still, ya know, human. "Places Like This" further elasticizes the vocal ranges of AiH's various singers until they become so contorted that you don't know whether to laugh or cry. The near-identical singing on "Red Turned White" and "Hold Music" make those songs practically unlistenable; the guy sounds like a mix between the dude in the B-52's who makes all the dumb lines in "Love Shack" and Miss Piggy. It's fucking dreadful. If anyone actually likes these songs, I salute them ten-fold, if I can even physically do that.

And it's not just the vocals themselves; it's the way they're arranged, and on a broader scale, the arrangement of the songs themselves. Take a song like "Heart It Races". This is AiH in steel-drum-and-tribal-chant mode, and the hooks are comprised of them either yelling "HEART IT RACES!!!" in the most nasal voices ever, or wacky scatting. There's some lyrics, and a breakdown at the end, and whatever, but it's all so fucking pointless. The song can't escape its structure, and almost immediately fails. I also want to take some time to discuss "Like It Ar Not", literally one of the worst songs I've ever heard. Seriously. I'd rather listen to "Don't Phunk With My Heart" 6 times in a row than this sing-along turd.

Maybe I'm being a little harsh on Architecture in Helsinki, but it's just that, to me, "Places Like This" really isn't "oh well, maybe they'll do better next time" disappointing, it's plain awful. I've counted a total of one good song -- "Nothing's Wrong" is pretty solid -- but other than that, "Places Like This" belongs in the toilet. It's had two lasting effects on me, though: I appreciate "In Case We Die" more than ever (really, take another listen to it, it's awesome), and I really, really want to know what's next for this band. Obviously "Places Like This" wasn't as critically admired as their first two efforts, so will they revert back to their humble beginnings, or keep going down this hellish trail of smiley music? My guess would be the latter, but you never know; neither of their follow-ups have been anything as expected. This band certainly has got a few tricks up its sleeve, but let's just pray it doesn't have another train wreck.

What Went Wrong/List Madness: Top Five Immediate Reactions to the Grammy Nominations

Well, the Grammy nominees were announced today, and this really interested me, because it forced me to put down the new Ghostface album and recognize what is going on in mainstream music right now. Obviously my personal tastes differ wildly from what is usually selected as the year's absolute best music by the most official music awards show (although the VMA's are always more fun to watch). Here were my five immediate reactions to the list of nominees, or the list of the nominees that matter:

1. Paul McCartney really, really shouldn't win anything.
The Grammys have always been notorious for rewarding artists who used to be really important but are now sort of irrelevant (Rolling Stone does the same). This year is no different, with John Mellencamp, Bruce Springsteen, and Bon Jovi all getting fatuous nominations. I don't really mind this, because it's absolutely expected, but I just can't stand seeing Paul McCartney, who is nominated in three major categories for work off his new album "Memory Almost Full", take any trips to the podium. "Memory Almost Full" is a piece of garbage, and this is an example of someone's name snagging nods for how big it is. REALLY, Paul, do you NEED to win for "Only Mamma Knows"? On a side note, Beck MUST win the Solo Rock Vocal Performance category, since he's going up against McCartney, Springsteen, Lucinda Williams, and, goddammit goddammit, John Mellencamp for "Our Country", the one in the commercials. I haven't even heard Beck's song "Timebomb", but it just has to fucking win. Probably gonna go to Springsteen, though. Which leads to...

2. Visible Snubs: Bruce Springsteen, Fall Out Boy, Fergie, Robert Kelly
Actually, I don't think Springsteen got snubbed, because I believe his album "Magic" was released after the Grammy deadline in early October. If not, though, I'm shocked that "Magic" didn't play like a wet dream to Grammy voters; next year it's probably going to own every category, so next year's gonna be a sad one. I'm not gonna discuss Fall Out Boy's complete omission now, because I'm going to give them such huge big-ups on my year-end album list, but their lack of a single nomination is a damn shame. As for Fergie, yeah, she blows, but with the exception of Akon, was there anyone more authoritative in the pop music landscape this year? She's only nominated in one major category, and for an awards show that admittedly rewards popularity, that's just not enough. Finally, I don't know if this is some courtroom backlash bullshit, but how the hell can R. Kelly be nominated in only one major R&B category, and for his collabo for Usher, "Same Girl"? I don't care if the man's out of his mind, "Double Up" is much more quality R&B offering than stuff from Emily King, Fantasia, or Raheem DeVaughn, whoever the hell that is. I guess my dream of seeing a performance of "Sex Planet", featuring R. Kelly dressed as horny alien, is shattered.

3. Most Interesting Category - Female Pop Vocal Performance
It's difficult to pick an intriguing category, because even the best horse races are typically cluttered with no-shot nominees, but this one's got five solid gals in the running: "Candyman" by Christina Aguilera, "1234" by Feist, "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie, "Say It Right" by Nelly Furtado, and "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse. You could easily pick "Rehab" as the front-running nomination, but since Winehouse got five others, voters might go a different route. "Candyman" is a fun song that's generally well-received (and appeals to older voters), and "Say It Right" has little buzz but some bravado Timbaland production. Although they're clearly dark horses, both have a shot to win. "1234" is an interesting nomination and certainly not the flashiest song here, but it's got the indie cred factor, and the Apple ads and surprisingly multiple nominations for Feist boost its profile. And then there's "Big Girls Don't Cry", the biggest song in terms of radio play, and Fergie's only major nomination. My gut is going with "Big Girls Don't Cry", but all of these nominations are pretty strong, and I'm happy with the category.

4. Impossibly Bad Best New Artist Nominations
Last year's Best New Artist, Carrie Underwood, was a really solid choice, because she was an actual new artist who was just beginning to release some well-accepted material. Also, Imogen Heap was nominated, and though it didn't make sense, it was definitely cool. This year's nominations... are baffling, to put it lightly. Taylor Swift, Paramore, and Ledesi are three of the five; I've sort of heard of the first one, and don't know anything of the latter two. Now, I know obscurity is no reason to bar someone from this category, but couldn't they nominate a new artist who is kind of well-known? Maybe some Plain White T's? Lily Allen? Lil' Mama woulda been awesome? Justice got nominated at the VMA's, why not throw them a hipster bone? The other two nominations are Feist, who's just been around for a while, and Amy Winehouse, who is sorta new enough to be nominated and inevitably nab this award. And for some reason I have a problem with this. Maybe it's because she's overhyped, maybe it's because she's bound to give up recording/living soon, but I cannot imagine naming Amy Winehouse best new artist of this year. But speaking of Amy...

5. "Rehab" will win Record of the Year, Kanye West's "Graduation" will win Album of the Year... probably
There is no doubt for me that Winehouse's song is gonna win her the award for the best song of the year. "Umbrella" poses some stiff competition, but my immediate reaction is that Winehouse is 2nd in nominations, and her album's not strong enough to win Album of the Year, so Record of the Year for the ubiquitous "Rehab" just seems logical. That leaves Kanyeezy to nab Album of the Year, and although I haven't discussed it, I really wanna give the Grammys props for consistently overlooking Kanye West's out-of-studio behavior and realizing he's a fucking genius. Giving "Graduation" 8 noms makes it loud and clear that, after 2 straight losses for Album of the Year, he's got a good chance to finally lock it in. His competition is pretty soft, too: Foo Fighters, yeah, okay, probably the most puzzlingly respected band of our generation, and their nom gives the Grammys rock cred, but I can't see them voting for something as big and loud as their latest effort. I'm not going to pretend I know anything about Vince Gill, and Herbie Hancock... oh good God. As soon as I saw his name attached to the Album of the Year list, a chill went down my back. Fuck. Hancock is a legendary blues artist, and he's collaborated with Miles Davis. Even if his album was a bunch of static, that gives him a huge edge. With the Grammys, street cred is determined by how old/close to death you are. Yeah, but it's okay, it's Kanye's year, just because a guy's old doesn't mean he can win.

Then I saw the album he was nominated for: "River: The Joni Letters", which is a JONI MITCHELL TRIBUTE ALBUM. Oh dear God, Hancock, you may have just stumbled upon a checkmate. Grammy voters love the combination of old people and tributes -- witness the Ray Charles tribute album inexplicably winning Album of the Year three years ago -- and you've just combined two respected old people into one tribute! But then, Herbie Hancock, you thought, "Ay yo, fuck it, if I'm goin for Album of da Year, I'm goin all out!" And you did what only the most evil man could: you brought in Norah Jones, Corinne Bailey Rae, and Tina Turner for guest vocals! Jones and Rae form two parts of the four-part Grammys Wanna Have Our Babies foundation (John Mayer and John Legend the other two), while Turner is yet another old, respected artist.

So let's see: legendary old jazz musician brings in beloved young talent and other legendary old artists to perform a tribute album to another legendary, old artist.

Wake up, Mr. West. You just got F'ed in the A.

God, I hope "Graduation" wins, and I really think it will, but it's hard to compete with the perfect storm of Grammy bullshit. Herbie Hancock is probably in some lair right now, laughing sinisterly and thinking, "Why even have any other nominees at all?" Goddamn you, Herbie Hancock.

It Is TV. It's HBO/What Went Wrong: End of Season 3/ Season 4 of "Entourage"

It's all about the substance

First off, apologies for the hiatus. It's been a while -- too long, some would say. But now I'm back, and the creative juices are flowing.

Therefore, to return by announcing the creative demise of "Entourage" is a little bittersweet. "Entourage" is one of my favorite shows; I have seen every episode multiple times, including the ones from the just-premiered season. The first season is awkwardly scripted at times, but the concept -- a young movie star and his three hanger-on friends become acquainted with the powers and pitfalls of Hollywood -- was fresh, and the inside look at the film industry was fascinating (especially to a movie fan like myself). More importantly, the cast, notably Adrian Grenier as easygoing actor Vincent Chase, Kevin Dillon as his washed-up but supportive brother, and Jeremy "I Will Fucking Kill You" Piven as super-agent Ari Gold, were undeniably believable, and made the show pop with chemistry. The series hit its apex in its second season, as Vince was cast as the lead in James Cameron's "Aquaman" and had trouble coping with his co-star, former flame Mandy Moore. Simply stated, season two was terrific. The "will-he-or-won't-he-play-Aquaman?" storyline was beautifully paced, subplots involving Ari's boss Terrence (Malcolm McDowell, you're missed, mate) and Johnny Drama's career were involving, and the finale, in which Vince must choose whether or not to subject himself through months of working with the girl who crushed him to achieve film immortality, is downright heartbreaking. This show was original, exciting, and damn funny. And then it all went to hell.

So when did "Entourage" lose its soul? There was no exact moment, but if I had to pinpoint it closely, I'd say as the third season was winding down and the plotlines didn't make any fucking sense. Don't get me wrong, season 3 has its moments -- Vince's new role as "Hollywood bad boy" was interesting, and his decision to fire Ari was pretty surprising -- but there are too many uneven moments as compared to the taut storyline of season 2. For one, the show (like Vince)didn't seem to have any direction: as Vinnie floated around from project to project, never quite having his next job secured, so too were we subjected to pointless transitions in plotting. Come on, did we really need the boys' old pal Dom, big, out on parole and annoying (props for that actor being on "The Wire", though)? Did they really need to waste Martin Landau in a three-episode arc in which he was reduced to senile producer and catchphrase slinger? Did Vince honestly need to hire hot new agent Amanda, become intimidated by her, have sex with her (???), develop a pseudo-relationship with her, and then fire her, in the span of five episodes?

Worst of all, the characters had become reduced to predictable cartoons, with Drama getting irrationally pissed-off a lot, Turtle forever in pursuit of bootay (fuck, WHY did they end his Saigon plot thread so quickly and carelessly?), Vince just sort of smiling and being cool, and E constantly bickering with Ari. Speaking of E, I know I haven't really talked about him, and even though he IS arguably "Entourage"'s main character, he's always been too wishy-washy a character to carry the show. Nowhere is this more evident in season 3, where he's given an outrageous plotline (three-some with Sloane and some blonde chick), and he can't even make THAT interesting. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm skirting the issue: the absolute low point of the season is in the next-to-last episode, where moneyman Yair Marx offers to finance "Medellin"... as long as Vince fucks his wife. This is where "Entourage" stopped being about the inside peek of Hollywood and became a circus act/soft-core porn. I invite anyone to watch this episode (319, titled "The Prince's Bride") and not be confused, appalled, or just really, really sad.

Anyway. Season 3 ends with Vince finally getting his dream project "Medellin" off the ground, with the help of lunatic "Queen's Boulevard" director Billy Walsh. I could write a dissertation about Billy Walsh as a character; he is an apparent spoof of the young filmmakers who view themselves as avant-garde gods and remain unapproachable to anyone they deem unworthy of touching their gift (simply stated, they're cocks). And hey! Billy was fun in the first two seasons, when he clashed with E and gave Vince indie cred. In season 4, which details the production and subsequent marketing of "Medellin" before it is unveiled at the Cannes film festival, Billy is given a huge amount of screen time, and it makes the show grating. "Entourage" has always benefited from being an easy-going show, with the main characters enjoying the hell out of the good life and the audience living vicariously. Billy Walsh disrupts the entire mood of the show, and it doesn't look like he's going away anytime soon, as Vince has already committed to doing ANOTHER movie with him, this time a laughable sci-fi epic called "Silo". Blame the writers for being too reliant on recycling old characters instead of introducing new faces and expanding the scope of the show. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think characters such as Dom, Amanda, and E's girlfriend Sloane were very well-drawn, but at least they added new dimensions to a show that frequently feels trapped in its own silly boundaries.

As for the rest of season 4... it's not HORRIBLE. It just kind of glides on a well-treaded mediocrity, and it's very disappointing. Drama gets pissed off, Vince smiles, Turtle enjoys women, Ari screams at people, places, and things. We get it. The episodes range from enjoyably stupid (E and Turtle race to have unemotional sex with a random girl) to let's-watch-"John From Cincinnati" bad (Drama helps the mayor of Beverly Hills hook up with a transvestite). E becomes Anna Faris' manager, which is weird. Worst of all, we just don't seem to care about Vince's career anymore. "Medellin" has lost its mystique by being too heavily relied on, and "Silo" just sounds boring. As "Medellin" gets booed at Cannes and Walsh curses off the audience, we realize that we're watching the shell of a great show, now stale from poor writing and a sense of immobility.

I'll keep watching "Entourage", even though deep down I know it's not going to improve anytime soon. It's still entertaining, although rarely of the high quality of the first two seasons. "Entourage" always has the potential to get back on track, though. So here's hoping. Plus, you can't knock HBO too dramatically, since they axed "Lucky Louie" and gave us "Flight of the Conchords". That shit is hott.

What Went Wrong: "T.I. vs. T.I.P."

I'm fallin' off like this hat!

I'm an admitted sucker for the concept album, especially when the genre is rap. I probably give "A Grand Don't Come For Free" too many free passes, for example, because the lousy songs can be justified by fitting into the overall story arc Mike Skinner is trying to create. So when I heard that T.I., self-proclaimed King of the South, critically acclaimed hitmaker, and Mannie Fresh BFF, was making an album called "T.I. vs. T.I.P.", and dividing it into three "acts", I got really, really excited. This was an example of an all-star MC, who scored a touchdown with "King" last year, getting a chance to add new depth, gain new respect, and give us something... new. C'mon, when has ANY commercial rapper released an album this bracingly ambitious? I heard the first single "Big Shit Poppin'", and despite the general consensus of "meh", I thought it was pretty great, with Tip displaying the right mix of arrogance and effortless cool. The stage was set.

"T.I. vs. T.I.P." is a dud. It's not going to cost T.I. any fraction of his fanbase, and it doesn't make me lose any respect for him or his skills on the mic. The concept -- his street side (T.I.P.) and his polished superstar side (T.I.) battle for supreme dominance -- really is an interesting one; it reimagines the generic "where you are vs. where you been" hip-hop struggle as a literal fight, and gets across how conflicted T.I. feels with his new stardom (reports have been heard that he wants to leave the rap game altogether). The problem is that it's just executed so poorly. I would have no problem if T.I. wanted to fuck with his sequencing so much that the T.I.P. act gets all the club-bangers and the T.I. act gets all the slow jams, but most of the songs could belong in either part of the album, which in turn makes the personae seem nondescript and the concept pointless. Even when Act III, "T.I. vs. T.I.P. The Confrontation", rolls around, and the two halves of the rapper trade verses, the voices are spitting such similar sentiments that the listener becomes confused and then apathetic to whatever's going on.

The real problem to "T.I. vs. T.I.P.", however, is much more simple than what many critics have made it out to be: the songs just kind of blow. No, they're not awful in that "goddammit this sounds like torture, turn it off!" way. It's just that each song rolls off of you unnoticed, so middle-of-the-road mediocre that you get mad that it didn't have any effect on you whatsoever. Despite the occasional all-out stinker ("Da Dopeman" is T.I.'s worst song, period), T.I.'s still too good a rapper to allow a song to become laughably bad. The stuff here is so bland though, from the Southern-fried Jay-Z collabo "Watch What You Say To Me" (props to Hov for finally writing a good verse after four years) to hip-hop assessment "Help Is Coming" that you'll never ask for a second repeat. Let's face it, "King" was so unstoppable because it was frontloaded with great beats and big hooks. "T.I. vs. T.I.P."'s undoing rests in the fact that most songs sound half-complete and entirely forgettable.

If you're a T.I. fan reaching for the panic button, calm down. T.I. is still one of the five most exciting rappers alive, and this is just his "Blueprint 2: The Gift and the Curse". It'll be interesting to see where "T.I. vs. T.I.P." leads Tip to. If I were to guess, I'd say he'll ditch the high-concept artistry next time around and churn out some more simple club anthems. And maybe that's not such a bad thing.