...gross.Let's get right down to it. Three reasons why "4 Minutes", Madonna's lead single off of her new album Hard Candy, sucks:
1. It costars Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. I love Timbo and JT as much as the next guy, but there's something to be said for oversaturation. For all Timbaland accomplished as a producer in 2006, mega-hits with Timberlake, Nelly Furtado, and Young Jeezy ("3 A.M.", still a great banger) caused the man's head to swell and him to throw out his time-worn asset of subtlety. From Missy Elliott's "Get Ur Freak On" to Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" and Jay-Z's "Dirt Off Your Shoulder", Timbaland's beats have always sounded more stunning when they let the artist have his or her way with them. Ever since "Futuresex/Lovesounds", though, Timbaland's gotten thirsty to be numero uno, a position he doesn't have the voice or the persona for. "4 Minutes" is the sound of grave overcompensation: it's a Timbaland production that fires on too many cylinders, built around a boring horn riff and a chorus that's just musically ugly. As for Justin, well, he phones in the minor call-and-response action that he's assigned. "4 Minutes" is Timbaland's baby, really, and as good a team he and Justin have made, their collaborations have been a bit tired ever since "Shock Value". Timbaland, your victory lap is officially over; time to explore other options, potna.
2. Madonna isn't given anything to do. A Madonna single doesn't need Mrs. Guy Ritchie to slug notes out of the park as if she's Mary J. Blige. Hell, she barely has to say anything interesting or heighten her vocal range, as seen by "Ray Of Light" and "Music". But she's gotta do SOMETHING. "4 Minutes" sounds like Madge has been neutered. She's allotted about 1/4th of the song, and the lines she does have are handled without any form of pizzazz. Listen to the line "The road to heaven/ is filled with good intentions" at 2:39 into the song; has Madonna ever sung anything with less passion? Part of this is the fact that she's been overshadowed by Timbaland's frustrating beat and Justin's clunky singing, but come on, this is Madonna. Even if she doesn't have a great voice, she's got enough showmanship to drive a great hook. For a comeback single, Madonna sure sits around on the sidelines a lot here. But oh yeah, that's right...
3. Madonna didn't need a fucking comeback single. People are treating the decidedly Americanized "Hard Candy" as Madonna's return to form, working with hip-hop producers like Pharrell Williams and Kanye West after dabbling with Euro-dance music for the better part of a decade. The problem with this is that the past decade, starting with the William Orbit-produced "Ray Of Light" album, has been pretty goddamn successful for Madonna. Sure, there have been missteps like "American Life" and smooching the Spears, but most of what Madonna's tried has worked, from "Ray Of Light"'s rave music to "Music"'s music music to "Confessions on a Dance Floor"'s dirty dance tracks, which birthed one of her best singles ever, "Hung Up". In fact, "Confessions" and its subsequent tour have arguably been the most well-received, positive-press outings Madonna's put together in the '00s. Why change course now? To become a firmly-American pop star again, backed by radio-approved beatmakers? Granted, I haven't heard the rest of "Hard Candy", but it sounds like a backwards creative step for someone who so far has been aging suprisingly gracefully. And as far as American audiences, it has yet to resonate: it sold 280,000 copies its first week, down from "Confession"'s 463,000. After a triumph like "Hung Up", why digress with a song as calculated as "4 Minutes"? It kinda blows that, judging from this song and "Hard Candy"'s obscenely unnecessarily cover art, Madonna's choosing to be hip instead of really, really good.
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