It's hard just to look... Project: The 1983 song "(New Wave) Dog Day", by the Kempsters
Howard Involved: Clint... lead singer of the band
Description of Project: Dear God. Clint Howard, world's coolest ugly guy, our most clearly personified example of nepotism, was the lead singer of a rock band named the Kempsters. Currently opening for the Who, the Kempsters have achieved multiplatinum... nah I'm just kidding. They're a simple instance of a rock band getting a shrivel of the spotlight because a member is (arguably) famous. The song is called "(New Wave) Dog Day", and it's a by-the-numbers punk song from the '80s.
Clint Howard's Role In Achievements/Failures: Sorry Clint, "(New Wave) Dog Day"'s flaws are all on you, buddy. You'd expect the song of a Clint Howard to sound pretty ragged, but it actually is sort of bouncy with a simple surf-rock structure. The guitar lick is pretty catchy, and the rest of the instrumentation is fairly tight. The reason that "(New Wave) Dog Day" is terrible seems to solely rest on Mr. Howard. As a lead vocalist who doesn't play an instrument, you need to be able to sing, and sadly Clint Howard has pipes that even Chad Kroeger would even shake his empty head at. The song is performed in sort of a snarl, with Howard repeatedly mugging in the video and barking orders to the millions of people watching. As the rest of the band plays their instruments dutifully, Clint dances around them like a goading monkey, commanding his troops with unsightly bravado. The lyrics aren't too savory either: "Acting this way too long! I don't tell the room to run! I'd blow out my brains to get away from the pain, but it wouldn't be much fun!" is a sample verse, and sung/talked by Howard, it's unlistenable. I mean, I don't wanna take potshots at the guy, but c'mon, he doesn't contribute one good thing to the song.
Interestingly, I enjoy watching "(New Wave) Dog Day"'s makeshift video for several reasons. First of all, Clint Howard has hair: it's orange like Ron's and stringy like Bozo's. Also, the enthusiasm from the rest of the band is pretty surreal. You can sort of tell that they fucking worship Clint, and think he is the coolest guy in any room. I'd also like to point the drummer's facial expression at 1:13, because it terrorizes my dreams regularly. Everyone's wearing referee-esque black-and-white stripes, and Clint is sporting some spiffy suspenders. Finally, the dancing that Clint Howard performs in the video is absolutely worth giving the video a look. He sort of spaz-dances, but in an assured way: constantly shaking the mic that he's holding in his gnarled hand and weaving from left to right, as if to pounce at any second, Howard is admittedly awkward but is enjoying the hell out of himself. My personal favorite part is at 1:27, where it looks like he's lost control of his shoulders and is trying to see how far he can go with that development.
Like/Dislike: Oh hell, how can you NOT like this? The song sucks, sure, but that was a given. Howard knows that the band is bollocks, but you know, he's really having a ball with his soon-to-be-departed hair. Plus, there's a reason that this will go down in history: it forever dispells the myth that you have to look good to be the lead singer of a band. If you show me a picture of someone you think is uglier than Clint Howard, I will proceed to tear up the picture and direct you to my laptop's tiled background of a Clint Howard picture, which shall burn your eyes with the heat of a thousand suns. No, Clint Howard is ugly's spokesman, and he was the lead singer of the Kempsters! Sure, it immediately doomed the band from attaining any kind of success, but it still has to be looked at as groundbreaking. Clint Howard basically does whatever the hell he wants, and if he wants to be the lead singer of a shitty punk band, no one can stop the man. No one should. He continues to be an inspiration. "(New Wave) Dog Day" makes me like Ron Howard and his family significantly more.
Yeah, we'll see. Just wait until I discuss "Lady in the Water".
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