It Is TV. It's HBO/ List Madness/Down To "The Wire": Top Ten Coolest Characters on "The Wire"

Way down in the hole...

This post has been a long time coming. I have been back at school for about six or seven weeks now, and I have watched every episode of "The Wire" -- all 50 hours -- in that time period. I sort of messed up and (knowingly) started with season 2, because I couldn't find season 1 on any torrents and I figured that the difference between starting at 1 or 2 wasn't that huge. Boy, was this retarded. By the time I knocked off seasons 2-4, I basically knew everything that happened in season 1 (D'Angelo almost flipping, Wallace getting got, Avon being busted, etc.), so watching the entire first season in the past four days has been sort of anti-climactic.

But the past few months have been sort of miraculous nonetheless. I'm not going to talk about how "The Wire" is the best television show maybe ever, because you could read any other review of it to tell you that. Plus, when the fifth and final season starts up in January, I'm gonna be talking about that shit and giving it imaginary awards all day. No, right now I just want to pay tribute to it -- for providing me with such provocative, poignant, gritty entertainment over the past month and a half. I have composed a list of the top ten coolest characters on the show.

This is surely a flawed list: if Bunk Moreland (Wendell Pierce) didn't make it, it would have to be. Every character on the show is brilliantly acted, so this is not an acting award. These are the ten characters on "The Wire" that both entertain and effortlessly handle their shit. You laugh with them, root for them when they gun people down, and you cry when they catch a bullet. It's "The Wire" way.

I want to quickly justify some glaring omissions and shout-out some almost-made-it's, too. I found Avon Barksdale too stupid to be that cool (part of the reason I found season 1 the weakest), and his nephew D'Angelo too wooden. Brother Mouzone may be my least favorite character, because he doesn't exist within the believable parameters of the show's world. And policemen Herk, Carver, Rawls, and Valchek are too asshole-ish to admire. On the other hand, a few characters were SO CLOSE to making this list (just a quick rundown: Daniels, Bunk, Cheese, Bubbles, Slim Charles, Bunny Colvin, and all the kids in season 4) that I have to give them props. For those of you who don't watch the show, you're probably completely lost by now. I apologize (sorry Chris).

10. Councilman Thomas "Tommy" Carcetti -- played by Aiden Gillen

Carcetti is a staple character in seasons 3 and 4, and an odd choice for this list, because it's hard to be cool when you're running for mayor of Baltimore. Still, Tommy is a captivating character because you want to believe that the guy is actually a politician who's not full of bullshit and means what he says. Introduced as a hard-nosed councilman who bribes the police commissioner and sleeps around (not with the commissioner -- yet), Carcetti has evolved into a likable mayor with the help of cool motherfucker Norman Wilson, who deserves his own place on this list. I dunno, Carcetti's just sort of the man.

9. "Proposition Joe" Stewart -- played by Robert F. Chew

Another thing season 1 was lacking was the watchful eye and Southern drawl of Prop Joe, certainly the biggest character of them all. Frankly, it sucks that Proposition Joe isn't given that much to do in the show besides act as a level-headed mediary; even his pivotal plot at the end of season 2, where he organizes a deal with Stringer behind Avon's jailbird back, focuses more on how pissed-off Brother Mouzone gets by the whole ordeal. Anyway, Prop Joe is probably the smartest gangster in Baltimore's game; dude knows how to handle business without getting dirty or violent. He even has the sense to buy back the truck-sized package that Omar stole from him without batting an eye! If Jay-Z's line, "I'm not a businessman, I'm a business... man" refers to anyone on "The Wire", it's Prop Joe.

8. Det. Kima Greggs -- played by Sonja Sohn

Kima is the only female character on this list (Rhonda Pearlman was pretty close to it too), but it's hard to outshine a lady when she is as completely awesome as Greggs. The detective is pretty, tough, gay, and loyal, and although she does cheat on her girlfriend, her girlfriend's insufferably boring, so it's understandable. Maybe it's just me, but Kima Greggs is the one character I would wanna hang out with most in real life. I'm also glad that she's a lesbian, for some reason. Just adds to her awesomeness.

7. Marlo Stanfield -- played by Jamie Hector

Marlo Stanfield is a scary motherfucker. Characterized as an out-and-out sociopath, Marlo is made to be the sort of dude who will shoot his uncle in his balding head if he gets interrupted while watching "Access Hollywood"; if homeboy wants you toast, you're toast. But while this untouchability was once boring, season 4 opened Marlo up as a classic villain, even humanizing him through his relationships with Chris and Snoop. It helps that, for my money, Jamie Hector is the best actor on the show. Hell, the way Marlo Stanfield stands -- shoulders stretched back, like he's ready for battle -- is pretty cool. It'll be interesting to see how he's brought down in season 5.

6. Jimmy McNulty -- played by Dominic West

West is the "main character" of the show, which means absolutely nothing on "The Wire". If you don't believe me, check out the way he does NOTHING in season 4... and that's okay. McNulty is a flashy character, but his idiosyncrasies are better displayed when the spotlight's off of him. Yeah, we know he's a drunk, and a hound, and a damn good cop, but he's a lot more interesting when he's looking impatiently at his ex-wife or angrily throwing a file folder across a room when a witness dies. He's a well-drawn character, and compared to other protagonist cop shows, he's clearly the most relatable. Also, huge props for getting with Beadie Russell, who got crazy hot after the docks case, I guess?

5. Lester Freamon -- played by Clarke Peters

Lester is the coolest cop on "The Wire". Period. What could have been a tired Morgan Freeman impersonation is instead a fantastic example of the show's attention to detail. Over the course of the four seasons, Lester has been an essential part of the unit, whether it be busting into D'Angelo's pager or finding Marlo's bodies in the boarded-up houses. Not only is his backstory intriguing -- stuck it to the system, got put in the pawn-shop unit for thirteen years until they "forgot about him" -- but his current role as the wisened cop is so comfortable that it's impossible not to love the guy. Lester knows his shit, and nobody messes with him. Cedric Daniels didn't make this list because Lester Freamon IS Cedric, only cooler.

4. Preston "Bodie" Broadus -- played by JD Williams

Man, I did not see Bodie's death coming at the end of season 4. And I gotta say, I was more upset than I thought I should have been. But then it hit me -- Bodie, the corner stalwart who rolled with the Barksdale crew until it fell apart, is such a real character that you don't even notice his presence until it's taken away. Bodie is not the most likable guy (damn, why'd you have to do Wallace like that, B?), but he's the most unflinchingly honest portrayal of what happens when the corner chews you up and spits you out. Bodie's legacy will be slinging, and he knows it, but he's diligent and good at what he does, which traps him. As a character, Bodie is equal parts hilarious and ruthless; his swagger kept him afloat for a while. I'm gonna miss him.

3. Dennis "Cutty" Wise -- played by Chad L. Coleman

Shocking that I put him up this high, but let's face facts, people. Cutty's season 3 storyline, which chronicled his struggle to stay out of the projects and find his place in Baltimore after finishing a long bout in prision, was so un-"Wire"-like that it's hard to justify its huge presence as anything but "Cutty's just an awesome guy". His rebirth as a boxing coach is just so blissfully pure amidst the depressing arcs of "The Wire" that it's like rays of sunshine breaking out of dark clouds. Seriously, it's unbelievable to think that "The Wire", which is dedicated to exploring the decaying public systems of Baltimore, would give this guy such a positive outcome. Cutty is just a great guy. I will continue to unabashedly love him when the show returns.

2. Omar Little -- played by Michael Kenneth Williams

You gotta be kidding me. Omar? Not at #1? He's an openly gay gangsta with a big-ass scar on his face who robs drug lords of their stashes with the help of a shotgun! He cooperates with the police to give McNulty one of Barksdale's soldiers! He sometimes whistles "The Cheese Stands Alone" before an execution! Not even Marlo can pin a murder on him to get him convicted! Well, Omar's not #1 because he KILLED my choice for #1, but that's besides the point. Omar Little is a hero on the show, and adds a wild-card dimension to the entire Baltimore drug operation. Everything about the guy is superfly, like a Shaft who likes dudes (no pun intended). The only reason Omar's not dead by now is that the writers couldn't afford to lose his bravado. Can anyone bring this guy down??

1. Russell "Stringer" Bell -- played by Idris Elba

Oh Stringer. I hate the fact that Stringer Bell, Avon's second-in-command and brains of the Barksdale operation, is nowhere to be seen in the final two seasons of the show, but we'll always have those first three. Stringer Bell is one of the most enigmatic television characters ever created. He is surely a bad dude, but at times it seems like the good outweighs the evil. Sure, he runs the Barksdales while Avon's locked up, but he's more understanding than power-hungry, sharply contrasting with the irrational blood-thirst of the Stanfield crew in season 3. Stringer is college-educated, savvy, and really tall, but that's not my favorite thing about him. I love the fact that Stringer can do some terrible things, but they never seem grandiose; everything he does seems reasonable. Stringer hates the dirt he does, and wants nothing more than to soak in what he's accomplished and be satisfied with his winnings. The way he tries and inevitably fails to get out of the game by going legit is heartbreaking. After watching Omar and Brother Mouzone gun him down, I could barely breathe, and had to pace around my room for twenty minutes. "The Wire" constantly tries to create overreaching character arcs that connect with the audience and resemble tragic Greek figures. With Stringer Bell (who was wonderfully played by Idris Elba, by the way), the show accomplished this in stunning fashion.